Frequently Asked Questions
How do I present a ritual to a group of friends or family?
Well, in my family I now say, “We are going to the “R” word.” But for the ritual-resistant or the ritual-newbies, it can be as simple as saying you want to do a group “exercise” and sneak the “ritual” word in later. All of our rituals are designed to create a safe space for people to share who they are. You can make them as fun or as deep as you want and of course you can alter them to serve the purpose of the occasion.
What if someone in the group really does not want to participate?
Check in with the rest of the group to make sure everyone wants to participate. If so, allow the one who doesn’t to be an observer. More than likely that person will be inspired to jump in at some point. It’s important to make the ritual space safe, i.e., no criticism or ridicule.
My family would come under the heading of “ritual-resistant”. What can I do to encourage a ritual at our next family gathering?
Consult and collaborate with your family on the content and context of the ritual. Get their feedback and input from the standpoint of what they would like to gain from the ritual with regard to the specific event and see where the common points are. Then design a ritual that won’t surprise anyone. If your family is fun-loving, then do something that is totally fun. Perhaps you want your children to learn more about their grandparents. Ask the children to come up with questions for their grandparents to be answered at a family gathering.
What distinguishes a ritual from other group activities?
A ritual has a particular purpose upon which the activities are based. A good example is the difference between a regular birthday party and a birthday ritual. Rather than gathering to give presents and eat cake, a birthday ritual might have as its purpose “to celebrate the impact of the birthday person on friends and family.” Participants would have the opportunity to share how the birthday person has made a difference in their lives. Depending on how creative the group chooses to be, their thoughts could be recorded in a decorative journal for the birthday person to take away with her. Rituals bring a focus to different occasions.
How do I get started on creating a ritual?
The best place to start is to determine a particular purpose. What is the desired outcome? There might be one or several desired outcomes. Once these are identified, ideas for activities that achieve the outcome will come more easily.
Our books and products are designed to provide rituals for you or guide you to create your own.
How many people need to be involved with a ritual?
Rituals are flexible and can serve the interests of one person or many. It depends on the occasion that is being observed and its purpose.
Testimonials
We recognize the dynamic of ritual-resistance. Throughout our years of facilitating rituals, we have met many who are reluctant to participate in an experience they expect to be too “touchy feely.” Co-author Linda Ann Smith’s brothers, Stephen and Larry, were the epitome of ritual-resistant men, yet over time they have become ritual makers themselves. Some of the following testimonials were contributed by folks who were initially ritual-resistant. The contributors’ perspectives vary but have in common one thing: they understand the value that rituals bring to their lives and relationships.
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My whole family gets together once a year for a reunion. We use rituals as a way to re-bond with each other after a long absence, celebrate major events, and honor family members who have passed on.
Nancy Franz, Personal Life Coach, Speaker, Trainer, Denver, Colorado
www.transitionscareercoaching.com
Linda Ann Smith surprised my previous group of business compatriots with the “What Would You Do If You Knew You Would Succeed” ritual complete with a gift certificate at a wonderful restaurant in New York. The four of us participating in the ritual were all in fairly significant transitional stages. We finally made it to the restaurant with our package of ritual instructions and materials. The result was a profound opportunity for each of us to affirm the others for who we are in the world. It was one big warm fuzzy.
Lisa Pike, Environmental Program Director, Patagonia, Ventura, California
Linda’s rituals have always given me the opportunity to speak from my heart – not normally a guy thing – but it sure feels good when I do it.
Nick Holladay, Age 24 Denver, Colorado
My daughter and I take an annual trip together as the first part of our ritual. A few years ago, I asked Linda for some ideas of how to deepen and enrich our experience together on these trips. After some brainstorming with her, I came up with the idea of bringing a travel journal with us on each of the trips and taking turns writing in the journal. We have such a good time re-reading what we wrote on the previous trips. We never leave the journal behind. It’s the first thing in the suitcase.
Linda Stevens, Fourth Grade Teacher, Centennial, Colorado
Rituals on special occasions helps everyone to connect more. Very often I will learn new or surprising information about someone that helps me understand them better.
Andy Franz, Age 22 Denver, Colorado
I have slowly introduced my circle of friends to rituals. The rituals have to be fun-based, but I have noticed that the more I do the rituals with these resistant friends, the deeper they will go in sharing. There have also been a few miraculous outcomes such as the “House Selling” ritual I designed for friends whose house had been on the market for over three months. While each person smudged him/herself, he/she made positive statements about the house, whether a structural element, aesthetic factor, or the good energy brought about by gatherings while my friends lived there. The owners then smudged the whole house. The house sold two days after the ritual. My friends now ask for a ritual at almost every special occasion!
Katie Coates, Regional Brand Manager, State Farm,
Phoenix, , Arizona
A ritual starting the day by soaking in the bathtub while clarifying my intentions makes for a day in which I can really serve my clients.
Brian Brody, Therapist, Coach, Author, Denver, Colorado
I have used rituals on many celebratory occasions to honor my family and friends. These rituals have never failed to serve as a catalyst toward creating strong, warm and more intimate connections between the participants. We have always come away with new, and at times, extraordinary insight into ourselves as well as others. This has been accomplished in very creative and enthralling ways so even the shy or skeptical are willing to participate. Under the guise of fun, many doors of enlightenment have been opened.
Kathy Filgo, Writer, Genesee, Colorado
I believe the “Surgical Journey” that Kelly created for me for a smooth surgical journey and recovery, generated external optimism and internal support. My doctor called my recovery remarkable. Focusing my mind, body and emotions on a positive outcome was a powerful resource for me.
Once I was introduced to the idea of rituals, I realized just how many are manifested on a regular basis, even in the corporate arena. When there is intent behind a ritual, it can become a very powerful tool to solidify teamwork and group support on projects. Because I've seen how successful they can be in the workplace, I am looking forward to applying rituals at home. Now that I have twin sons and a daughter on the way, I plan to raise them with rituals as a way to build family values and closeness, and to help them live richer and more fulfilling lives.
Cindy Knowlton, Brand Marketing Executive, Denver, Colorado
Rituals, the sacred acts and languages that symbolize our life cycles, are vital to bridging the gaps between our psyches, emotions, spirituality, and experiences. Rituals establish our images of self and identify us in the human community. Rituals of day-to-day living, special occurrences, and intimacy inform our relationships and our sacred spaces. Rituals, essentially, are testimonials to our beliefs about our loved ones, ourselves, our deities, and our world.
The Reverend Dr. Marjorie Williams-Cooper, Healer, Artist & Educator, Denver, Colorado
I used to hide in the bathroom when a ritual was announced. Now my advice to all men is to stay out of the bathroom because you will lose out on a lot of good material. Once you get past the shock, and if people participate, it can turn out to be an experience in which you get understanding and information – all that warm fuzzy stuff. Plus it’s a good way for men to win points with women.
Stephen Smith, Entrepreneur, General Contractor, Real Estate Mogul, Denver, Colorado
Even though Oprah has not given a direct testimonial for the POWER of Rituals, her December 17, 2002 program was about family traditions and rituals: “We are talking about family traditions and how creating rituals for yourself and your family brings greater connection.” This program featured a series of guests including Maria Shriver, Dr. Phil and Jada Pinkett-Smith telling their stories of family traditions and rituals. Oprah concluded, “It’s the simple things that make a child feel loved and traditions that encourage them to keep coming back for more even when they’re grown.” Also on Oprah’s January 10, 2003 program she interviewed both Susan Sarandon and Goldie Hawn on the joys of being over 50 and feeling fabulous. Both actresses recounted in detail the rituals they designed for turning fifty that included their family and friends and honored their lives, experiences, accomplishments and their future.
